There's always that one question every lesson that leaves me with my thoughts for days, and Lesson 1 for this BSF year was no different - "Can you share with your group a way you have experienced Jesus' grace in your life?"
Sometimes these "heart" questions cause me to walk away for a little bit and really think, but this one came easy. I LOOK at my grace in the face every day. I pick her up in the mornings from her bed. I take care of her needs throughout the day, and I absolutely melt when she reaches out for me to give me a "huggie" and a "kissie." It's my daughter. (And now I can add FEELING my grace every single day with every turn, hiccup, and karate chop to the ribs that Will does.)
You see, being someone that starved their self day in and day out for the better part of three years, I did major damage to my body - but God's grace covered me that entire time. I suffered my share of health related issues during that time, but in no way did I ever suffer as I deserved based on the amount of nutrients I restricted from my body. God's grace also covered me on the day I finally saw the words "Pregnant" on that "Clear Blue Test." My body isn't one that should have ever made a baby - because of how I was created AND because of how I treated what God created...yet THREE times, my body has made a baby. That's God's grace.
John 1:16 says, "Out of His fullness we have all received GRACE in place of GRACE already given." He was nailed on the cross to wipe every sin in my life completely clean. He is the spotless lamb that was sacrificed because I would never be able to atone for my sins personally. Wow, what grace!
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As I drove home from taking Bryleigh to school, song after song played on the radio that continued to speak to my heart and where we are in life right now, as well as all that God has done in our lives to get us to this point. But none spoke so loudly this morning as "You Never Let Go." It was weird to hear at first because it was that song, sung by Matt Redman (on repeat) that carried me through days... (weeks...months...years) of infertility, and again through the heartbreak of miscarriage. Needless to say, every time I hear him sing it (or we sing it at church), I can not help but praise Him for Bryleigh Renee, and now William Bradley.
But today, it was even different - Jeremy Camp was the one singing it. To hear his voice singing any song takes me back to a very specific time in my life - my days at Baylor University. I had a VERY basic (but super cute) mp3 player that held ABOUT 12 songs on it (that we had downloaded from Napster, of course). It was during that time that I first heard Jeremy Camp, and I would walk MILES all over that campus and study HOURS in those libraries listening to his songs on repeat.
Baylor was some of my greatest times in my life, but it was always some of my very lowest, where the depression I lived with was so severe, yet SO unknown. As I listened to Jeremey Camp sing "You Never Let Go," this morning, I couldn't help but think about the countless times God's grace covered me on that campus. I made countless mistakes and bad decisions, but through God's grace, He protected me daily and carried me through each day, until He sat me down perfectly on my parents 2-seater sofa on Austin Acre Road and I told them, "I just can't go back." (And then He carried me every step of the way after, but that's a whole other blog!)
Sometimes these "heart" questions cause me to walk away for a little bit and really think, but this one came easy. I LOOK at my grace in the face every day. I pick her up in the mornings from her bed. I take care of her needs throughout the day, and I absolutely melt when she reaches out for me to give me a "huggie" and a "kissie." It's my daughter. (And now I can add FEELING my grace every single day with every turn, hiccup, and karate chop to the ribs that Will does.)
You see, being someone that starved their self day in and day out for the better part of three years, I did major damage to my body - but God's grace covered me that entire time. I suffered my share of health related issues during that time, but in no way did I ever suffer as I deserved based on the amount of nutrients I restricted from my body. God's grace also covered me on the day I finally saw the words "Pregnant" on that "Clear Blue Test." My body isn't one that should have ever made a baby - because of how I was created AND because of how I treated what God created...yet THREE times, my body has made a baby. That's God's grace.
John 1:16 says, "Out of His fullness we have all received GRACE in place of GRACE already given." He was nailed on the cross to wipe every sin in my life completely clean. He is the spotless lamb that was sacrificed because I would never be able to atone for my sins personally. Wow, what grace!
As I drove home from taking Bryleigh to school, song after song played on the radio that continued to speak to my heart and where we are in life right now, as well as all that God has done in our lives to get us to this point. But none spoke so loudly this morning as "You Never Let Go." It was weird to hear at first because it was that song, sung by Matt Redman (on repeat) that carried me through days... (weeks...months...years) of infertility, and again through the heartbreak of miscarriage. Needless to say, every time I hear him sing it (or we sing it at church), I can not help but praise Him for Bryleigh Renee, and now William Bradley.
But today, it was even different - Jeremy Camp was the one singing it. To hear his voice singing any song takes me back to a very specific time in my life - my days at Baylor University. I had a VERY basic (but super cute) mp3 player that held ABOUT 12 songs on it (that we had downloaded from Napster, of course). It was during that time that I first heard Jeremy Camp, and I would walk MILES all over that campus and study HOURS in those libraries listening to his songs on repeat.
Baylor was some of my greatest times in my life, but it was always some of my very lowest, where the depression I lived with was so severe, yet SO unknown. As I listened to Jeremey Camp sing "You Never Let Go," this morning, I couldn't help but think about the countless times God's grace covered me on that campus. I made countless mistakes and bad decisions, but through God's grace, He protected me daily and carried me through each day, until He sat me down perfectly on my parents 2-seater sofa on Austin Acre Road and I told them, "I just can't go back." (And then He carried me every step of the way after, but that's a whole other blog!)
"Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, you never let go, in every high and every low. Oh no, you never let go, Lord you never let go of me."
Thank you Lord, for never letting go of me!
